


Th1rteen R3asons Why — Tape 14

by Depressed_Betelgeuse (orphan_account)



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:27:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24920797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Depressed_Betelgeuse
Summary: This is a different take on Thirteen Reasons Why that tells the story of what would happen if Hannah Baker had lived.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	Th1rteen R3asons Why — Tape 14

**Author's Note:**

> Much of this chapter is dialogue taken directly from episode eleven of the show, going forward it will be much more original content.

*And I didn’t deserve to be with someone like you. I never would. I would have ruined you. It wasn’t you, it was me.*  
And everything that’s happened to me.  
The now-familiar sound of the tape ending. I’m supposed to flip it over now. Listen to the next person who royally fucked up Hannah’s life. Not only that, but the next person will be the one who I need to send the tapes to. Sheri sent them to me, and I need to send them to who the hell knows. A sudden rage sweeps over me as I process what I just heard. I did this.  
“GODDAMN IT!” I scream. I punch the glovebox in the passenger’s seat. It drops open. “You knew,” I say to Tony. I look over to him in the driver’s seat. He has a blank expression on his face.  
“Knew what?” He asks, with nothing in his voice. Completely flat.  
“That all of this is my fault.”  
“How did I know that?” How did you know that, Tony? You listened to the fucking tapes, that’s how you knew.  
“I just left her there. She needed me and I walked away.”  
“You did what she asked you to do,” Tony tells me, trying to calm me down.  
“No. I ran. I was scared; I thought it was something I had done or something I didn’t understand because I’m this fucking loser who doesn’t know anything about girls or about life or about anything!”  
“So all of this is your fault?” Tony seems shocked at what I’m saying, like it’ the dumbest thing he’s ever heard.  
“I left.” I feel like I need to keep emphasizing those words. “I knew i shouldn’t have left. And then I did, and Bryce raped Jessica and Hannah saw and Sheri knocked down the stop sign then Jeff died and it all started with me!” I’m screaming at him with an intensity that seems to surprise him. The town below us can probably hear me if they step outside. Good. Let them. Let them know how I was the reason that a girl killed herself and the reason that my best friend died. I step out of the car and I walk to the edge of the cliff and look down. It’s so peaceful. Tony steps out and follows me.  
“Clay, I think you need to back away from that edge.”  
“Why? Why shouldn’t I just jump? Just let go?”  
“So you can die? Reunite with Hannah forever?”  
“Fuck you, Tony.”  
“You think you could’ve changed anything? What does that make you? God?”  
“I should’ve stayed with Hannah.”  
“She told you to go.”  
“I should’ve told her. I should’ve said-”  
“Said what? You think you could’ve said something that would’ve changed all of this?”  
“I could’ve said, ‘I’m not going.’”  
“She said ‘get the hell out of here.’” I imagine a different night. I tell her I’m not going. I tell her I need to know that’s going on. I tell her… I tell her that I’m in love with her. But then the cold reality hits me. I can never say that to her. I never did. I could’ve but I never did.  
I feel tony touch my arm as he pulls me back into real life. I realize that I’m crying. “I couldn’t save her. I liked Hannah Baker. I can’t live with that!” I walk back to Tony’s car and slam my head into the door. I do it again. And again. The pain grips me and it’s the last thing I feel before I collapse onto the road.


End file.
